so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize