"it" just moved
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
