Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
