If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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