She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
