went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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