Having a random hookup so left but love u
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
