After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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