Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
