physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
