When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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