Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
