i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
