yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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