I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
