Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
