It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
