omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
