I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
