I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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