i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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