The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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