i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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