And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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