my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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