Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do vagina's smell?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize