The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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