Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
