ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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