I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
love makes seman taste better
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
