The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
