Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
