there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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