Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
