Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
