Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize