the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
