I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Randomize
