Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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