I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
