I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't deserve a penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
