I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
