420 ftw
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
