he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
