Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
