am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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