Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
