It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
