I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize