dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
