I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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