Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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