I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need moral support for this bender
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
