i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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