Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
