He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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