I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
