so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
