Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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