So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
