Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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