why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize