I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
