i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
