Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
