PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Randomize
