C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
