I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
