the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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