Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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