Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
