yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
