there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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