when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
