I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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