he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do herpes really smell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
