there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
