peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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