i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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