6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
