I faked an abortion last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
