the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
