Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
