I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
