I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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