remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
