halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
