On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
