she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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