Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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